No matter how close your and your parents are, if one or both of them will soon move into your home, you’re probably wondering how it will affect the current status quo. You’re already thinking of the lift chair recliner they’ll need and how it will put strain on your budget. And how will you keep all generations happy under one roof? Our tips will help you prepare and streamline the journey.
Involve Them in the Decision and Process
Set everyone up for success by taking it on as a team. Include your parent or parents in the discussions of the move, so they don’t feel they’re losing control of their own lives.
They may also need guidance on sorting out a lifetime’s worth of belongings so they can effectively downsize and not clutter their new living environment with unnecessary items.
Make Your Home More User Friendly
The new arrangement may be easier to manage if the environment your parent moves to is appropriate. Some senior citizens have mobility issues, in which case you may need to renovate a room downstairs and turn it into living quarters for them, so they don’t have to climb the stairs each day.
Also consider wheelchair access and handles in the bathroom to hold onto, even if they may only need it somewhere down the line.
Talk Money Upfront
Do whatever you can to prevent misunderstandings and unnecessary conflict. Money often causes tension but if you agree before the move who will carry which financial responsibilities, there will be less to fight about. Discuss everything from the cost of meals to your parent’s health expenses.
Put the agreement in writing so you can refer to it if there’s a disagreement.
Preparing Them for Change
Moving home is seen as one of the most stressful processes to go through, so make the change a little easier on everyone by helping them prepare properly.
A simple tactic is to speak of the new environment in a positive way so they can envision your home as a place they can be happy in. Also ask them what they want in their new room, so it suits their preferences, not yours. Will they enjoy having a plant or do they prefer to use space for their favourite books or photographs?
Managing the New Dynamic
Prepare everyone’s mindsets for the new living arrangements by discussing the following with your partner and children, as well as your parent before he or she moves in.
Realistic Expectations
Understand that difficulties may come. Your parent may fall sick unexpectedly, or conditions like dementia will start affecting your relationship. Or perhaps you simply don’t like watching the same TV programs after dinner and will need a compromise.
Be mentally prepared and accept that every day won’t be perfect, no matter how much effort you put in. By staying realistic, a bad day will be less overwhelming.
Setting Boundaries
Part of the preparation must be setting rules. Consider aspects like:
- Would you like certain areas or rooms to be off limits for your parent, in order to retain a sense of privacy?
- In what ways must your parent support and respect how you raise your children? It will cause conflict if a grandparent allows the kids to act outside your usual house rules.
- Will you expect your parent to keep to the family’s meal times, or will they prepare meals themselves?
Prioritising Self-care
With you taking on the role of caretaker—whether they require limited or a lot of assistance—it’s important that you’re taken care of as well. You need enough energy for your role and not lose yourself in the new setup. Schedule time for yourself and time alone with your family, so you manage your own mental health and don’t become overwhelmed.
Maintain Your Own Daily Routine
You may think taking your parent into your home requires a complete change of schedules and habits. In reality, it will be best for all if you still adhere to some of your current routine. This will give you a sense of control and including them in some of the activities, such as regular walks, may help them stay active and healthy.
Research and Use All Possible Resources
No need to feel bad asking for help when looking after a parent!
Quality home carers exist in most cities and towns for good reason. It’s simply not always possible to provide the optimal care you want to in between other responsibilities like work of kids’ sports. Resources can include items in the home, such as a lift chair or just leather recliner chairs that make it easier for the elderly to get up after sitting a while. This can also be an easy solution for someone with mobility issues to take naps in the lounge while you’re at work, instead of risking walking to their room unassisted.
Lastly, if there are other family members around, discuss how they can help carry responsibilities so everything doesn’t come down on one household.
Final Thoughts
It’s a huge change for your parent moving in with you, but it’s also a stressful time for you and your family. Make sure to look after your parent’s wellbeing but also your own. Be prepared for a rocky path at first, but soon everyone will settle into the new way of things.
If you have tips for others, please share with us.
